|
You see the posters all over school, "If need help call this number to a crisis center...Suicide is not an option." Or the ones that say, "Got Help," and then there is a number to call. Well this is something I have always pondered, what better way to be talked down from suicide, but from a sexy blonde that will say and do anything (over the phone) for a cheap $3.95 for the first minute and then just $1 after that charge lasts for 30 minutes. What a deal. Well there is good news to you who have also visioned this. The common after 12:30am calling network, 1-800-WEARE18 merged with the Twainism Suicide Hot Line. Now you can call this place whenever you think you'd rather be dead. Even if you aren't crazy enough to end your life. BONUS ROUND, all money paid for this will go to Twainism. The number is 1-800-TWAIN=SEX
Church attendence is up but not high enough, please remember this year's motto, "CONVERT OR DIE!" VOTE FOR DOLEMITE, BITCHES
|  |
|
Tony's All Black Free Speech Rectangle
Everyone knows that each religion has their own separate hell and heaven. Last week we were asked to "bum" some "Hell" space to the Catholics, seeing how in our religion nothing gets you into hell except liking gay things (note: Pope Alan chooses what is gay and what is not) and the catholics punish masturbators (mostly gay pedophilic priests). Well I say this to Pope John Paul the second, ABSOLVE MASTURBATION and blickity bam you got yourself a perfect, roomy hell.
Well this summer seems as if the box-office smashes are going to come in by the gross. With Spiderman, The Two Towers, Attack of the Clones, Twainist Suicide Operators on the Job 3, but the one I most anticipate is... White Men Can't Jump 2-I Told Ya Whigger. Starring Christopher Reid reprising Woddy Harrelson's character from the first and Woody Alan (casted as black role because of lack of black actors looking for it knowing it was gonna tank) as his hip black team-mate that take on the most famous two-some, Shaq (played by George Mureasan) and Kobe (played by Shaq) coached by Phil Jackson (played by Lenny Wilkens). This movie is gonna be hot, Final Fantasy style.
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
In the upcoming VH1 Your Choice Awards (circled on my calender for three months), the "Best Booty" has been subasequientlie (shutup alan) thrown out on account that the best ass in the world is Jennifer Lopez.
1. Her ass pays its own taxes and claims JLO as a dependent.
2. The ass looks like two Twainmas Hams-->(buy now on ebay) shoved down her dress.
3. Give it a spit shine and you will see your reflection.
4. Adam Hart is gay. (Yes that Adam, yeah that one, you, yeah huh.)
5. Pat Boland would pussy out from slapping it for $20 (not JLo's ass but still connected)
6. Her ass has been generated from someone's computer in their parents basement then displayed to the web and then claimed they slept with her before. If we kept a tally going JLo has slept with 3,000,003,193,485,008 men, 78% polish, and 1 girl (Amanda?!?) One of these is legit (Amanda?!?).
7. I forgot what 8 was for.
8. See also number 7.
9. Pope Alan decrees it gay not to like it and condemns you to Twain Hell if not, goes for you to girls. (note: Alan himself does NOT like it)
10. Because its VH1.
|
|
|
|
